Since my eyes are heavy I shall be quick… but after a quite intense conversation with a certain young woman there are few thoughts I wish to note down.
The questions of ‘what if’ are not productive for they keep us moving in directions which only lead to regression into past habits and ways of being. Questions which look forward hold that possibility of future progress. What offers can I make or bring with me? What do I need within the relationship? What requests do I make? (these are questions for another day)
Personally I offer and bring with me to my future relationships love, peace, serenity, passion, hope, calmness, wit, humor, intellect, a shoulder to cry on, a loving embrace, safety, security, a kind heart, action, romance, growth, belief in her and her dream, and finally the willingness to admit my need of her.
What do I need in a relationship? What requests do I make? I need to be needed in her life. I need love, acceptance, recognition, affection, touch, respect, time, romance, someone who keeps me grounded yet someone who pulls me from the sidelines to play the game of life and stop observing, someone with whom I can converse, someone who understands me and can call me on my games, support, and someone with a belief in me who sees my character and my heart, not my pocketbook but instead the gold within.
Needing one another does not go against independence… but enables it. Within a relationship couples should not challenge the independence they each hold but enable it… allowing each other to become more, do more, and be more… yet the price for this is the ability to admit they need each other and remain vulnerable therein. Without vulnerability independence cannot withstand what will come. As independence is hard as a rock it can be broken by a strong blow from a pick. Vulnerability in a relationship breeds confidence in self for it allows the creation of a sacred space where growth can occur without resentment. This creates a form of vulnerable independence which I will compare to water… the independence of the individual may at times falter when out on their own but when they come back into the sacred space created by the accepted vulnerability of the relationship they soften and flow back into shape retaining their independence.
Admitting I need someone is hard enough. Saying it is even harder still yet we all need someone and we all need to be needed. We cannot remain individual and achieve all that we were meant to achieve. It is only together that we as individuals can reach for exaltation. Why? In needing one another and forming that bond and sacred space it allows for a place where recharge can take place and the integrity and power of the whole remain intact. As I mentioned before… independent vulnerability… though there may be a better word for it. We must be soft as water and yet as unrelenting. There is nothing softer than water yet it can, will, and does erode the strongest of rocks… This is what a relationship could be like… soft, vulnerable, communicative, serene and peaceful unless agitated for good cause… then within the softness the combined power pushes forth to change the way before it.
So perhaps independent vulnerability is not exactly what I should say. Independent a water droplet can do little… but you pair it up and soon whole rivers change their course, stones are moved and worn away… such is a relationship built upon solid principles. It will go around all obstacles, eat through the rocks which may obstruct it, etc…
Now it is off to bed as I have been here 20 minutes and my brain is no longer functioning at full capacity.