I cannot think of a better to way to begin such a creative endeavor as journaling for all the world to see than by beginning with something that pierces straight to the soul. I have long loved poetry and the formation of words however I tend to write poetry in a manner different than most. When under the sway of some powerful emotions I write… I flow is more like it. The reason I say this is because I do not enjoy ‘constructing’ or ‘writing’ poetry to mimic emotion. On the contrary when I am in the throws of emotion the poetry comes to me. At that point I can write and seldom do I revise what is written during those moments. I do not revise and I do no think… simply letting the pages fill with the words that embrace and enthrall the creative centers of my brain… letting those words somehow combine into something with meaning, something perhaps deeper than I understand for each time I read them I see something else. Such is creativity and such is beauty.

Beauty comes in many forms but when it comes time to look at the essence of beauty there are many ‘beautiful’ things sadly lacking beauty. I shall use the example of a dear new friend I have recently met. Together we have been engaged in numerous conversations and more I get to know her the more beautiful she has become. I find that in life the more we understand, on a deep level, those things and people to which and to whom we are drawn we come to better understand true beauty. Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder as they say but true beauty grows with each encounter. Every time I see the vast and spacious sea or cross the mountains as the sun is setting… each time these things become more beautiful… not less… with time things take on meaning and thus become something more than the simple occurrence of the events which have taken place.

If the world could see and live within an idea such as this the world would be very different. In the world we are so focused on the ‘face value’ of things that we forget to look deeper into our own souls and the ideas which surround us. I invite you to take a journey with me into a few of these thoughts from the past. I did not craft and frame these words… they simply flowed into my mind and I wish to begin my new life this day with a giant step of openness and vulnerability. I open up my heart to you through the poems and poetry which I will share. Here are a few poems with which to begin:

Like a Fire in the Night: This poem was written many years ago and the first I ever wrote when I experienced a great change in my life which put me on the path that led me here today. It was shortly after I realized, quite suddenly, that I had become the complete opposite of that which I sought most to be. Upon that realization I began a process of healing which led me on a spiritual quest to find peace, serenity, and strength. I found it and during the process these words came to mind. Let them inspire you as God wills.

There beneath the northern sky,
Amidst the stars that glow,
There comes a light far brighter,
Than that of any light I know.

With eyes that dance like fire,
They pierce me to the soul,
Seeking, searching, wanting,
They haunt me ‘ere I go.

Sometimes the fire reminds me,
Of the things I wish to be,
And number one among them,
Is with the brightest light I see.

Time will alter nothing,
For eternity has no end,
The only end that binds us,
Is the end of death within.

So open up, imagine,
The potential you hold inside,
Share yourself forever,
And let the stars collide.

These next few I have written for my brother this week.

Love is the Way: This was the first poem written for Joshua as he lay in the hospital that first day.

Here we go, now to sea setting voyage in thee.
Looking forth into time finding ways to make rhyme
all the tunes we came to understand were in you.
All the Love we share now, brothers we are here now,
and with the Love we all share, brothers we will meet there.
Standing on the other side, spacious, great, the divide.
Looking now in your eyes, joy is there, it’s alive.
Changed my heart, and with time, changed the world that is mine,
changed my heart, and my soul, changed the world as a whole.
Understanding here today, what the greatest sages say.
Love your brother they say, all we have is today.
Love is the way.

A Life of Bloom: This came to me the morning that my father told me he was contemplating releasing Joshua… and as those emotions washed over me these words flooded into my mind and with no editing or adjustment of any kind here they stand. May they touch you the way they have touched me as I have read back over them.

Thank you for the time we’ve shared.
Thank you for the memories cared.
Thank you for the beauty here.
Thank you for the time spent there.

Thank you for your caring touch
and the love you shared so much.
Thank you for the tears I’ve cried
and the lessons held inside.

Thank you for the life you’ve led
and the joyous things you’ve said.
Thank you for the things you know
for they have helped to make me whole.

Thank you for the tears you shed
while I held your bandaged head.
Just before you left us here
to go see God and rest up there.

Time and again we have seen
the blessings of the Lord unseen.
He has helped us on this day
on this day to let you stay.

Thank you for your joyous touch
and the times you’ve changed so much.
You’ve changed my life and now I see
the glorious mission you’ve given me.

As I see the scars you’ve borne
I sense their weight and am forlorn.
But then I think of Christ our Lord
and the sacrifice he bore.

It’s for you my loving friend,
don’t you dare think its the end.
Time will continue on and on.
Eternities will prove us gone.

And from this life into the next
we will progress our lives in text.
The texts that I have seen for you
were full of light and life, its true.

Thank you for your caring heart,
the one that made you oh so smart.
The sarcastic man I grew to love
go be happy with the doves.

You’ve changed the world and it’s spark,
going forth into the dark,
I wish you forth with greatest love,
Thank you for your heart above.

The noblest one I’ve ever met,
willing now herein to set,
time at odds against the clock,
help me open up the lock.

This life is what we make it mean
we do become what we have seen,
but there is a choice, here at hand,
when brought into our hearts again.

We have a choice to change the way.
There is a place inside this day,
where hope and love and all collide,
the key we have is to decide.

God Bless you now by brother true,
this voyage now, it was in you,
and helped in us, each one to do,
all those things which are true.

Sing your song from up on high.
Spread the wealth of the sky.
Good trip, my friend I’ll see you soon.
Thank you for your life of bloom.

For today these poems will have to do. They share with you a part of myself which I consider one of the deepest and rarely if ever share. This experience surrounding the death of one of my best friends Travis six weeks ago and the most recent death of my brother today has caused me to rethink many things about my life. That which normally seems so complex became simple, oh so simple, on this day.

Significance in Life:

As I sat with my brother just before we released him from this world I had a thought that answers the following question. As soon as the thoughts came I recorded them as quick as I could.

What makes us significant in life? What gives us joy? What brings happiness? Depending on who is asked the answers will range from the highest aspirations of spirituality to anything the human mind can imagine up. The world has one answer and it is consistently and recurrently the same… more… but there are many other answers… tried and true that have existed and will exist for all eternities past and future.

What are the things we consider important? Truly? Houses? Cars? Money? Success? Career? Travel? etc…

When life puts the squeeze on through the death of a loved one or the loss of a friend… suddenly these things do not matter much at all. They simply fall away and leave us with an exquisite and seldom seen mosaic that constitutes the fabric of our happiness. Forget the house, the cars, the money, the career, the success, the travels… when it comes down to the wire the only thing that matters is how we affected the lives of others for good. What legacy did we leave behind? What good did we do in the world? In our relationships? Did you ever go to bed angry at another? Do those you love know you love them because you showed them today? Did you live for others? Did you cherish each moment? Did you make a positive difference today? Did you make someone smile? Who did you touch? Who have you inspired?

The things of the world will fall away and all that is left are the relationships that we have built. Let the world go by, let it run its course for it cannot survive perpetually on the path its on. The soul is eternal and thus the most important truths are connected to its very being. The soul is strong and it shall endure, the hidden tides within the soul cannot be denied if given wind. At long last the tides which flow beneath our spirituality shall create a current of meaning in our lives which will express itself in ways unknown to us at this time. It is through those possibilities that we have a choice… to follow the calling of the soul or to remain in a soulless world in which satisfaction can never be attained.

The soul is satisfied with the journey. The world seeks its ends. The soul would change itself. The world all it sees around. The soul in power goest forth to fight every evil, trouble, and problem which persists to stand in its path.

Significance comes from service. It comes from putting people and relationships first. In change the lives of others we gain significance in the sight of others. Without others acceptance of you in their lives significance cannot occur. This is the point and the lesson that I learned this day:

Live life for today, make the most of it. Plan the future but focus upon the moment and how to make best use of it… how to experience it… how to be present in it. I have been working on this for the last year and only now is it beginning to make any sense to me at all. And now finally I think it is starting to become a part of my life. There is much more I wish to say however I will write more perhaps tonight in another entry and for another purpose.

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